This was the intention of the LifeLine session two days ago. After the session, I felt secure and serene. I was also feeling very inspired. I was anxious to really reach out and share my life, my views, and my love. As I went through my day, what began to occur to me, was the difference between who I had been and who I was now choosing to be. I had been failing to share my life and my love the way I really wanted to. There was a big difference between what was in my heart and what my intentions were from how I was really showing to others.
That realization was very hard to take. It hurts to realize that you are not being your best and are hurting others by your actions or lack of actions. I felt called to pick up a book that I had not read for awhile. "Stand up for your Life" by Cheryl Richardson. She had a list of wods that helped to define a persons values. As I read through I saw that there were many words that were reflecting what I wanted to be but were not part of who I have been. I had to be honest and do this from my heart.
When the kids and expecially my husband came home, I made sure I took a private moment to talk with them and apologize for the exact ways I had let them and myself down. I epressed my desire to love them differently.
For me that means a few things. One is that I contacted a friend and counselor who is working with me to help me learn to set healthy boundaries, to learn how to control my emotions, (so they do not control me) and how to effectively say what I mean. It also means to keep reading and focusing on my feelings. To really understand what my heart is telling me.
I always connect to my faith and ground myself during the day. So now I repeat the following at least three times a day: "I allow my spirit and heart to live and to be free to express my truth and my love. I choose to be an ACTIVE participant to be my best I can be in my health, my diet, my personality, loving myself, loving others, in giving and in choosing happiness."
While this sounds like a lot it has already made a big shift in how I am acting and responding to myself, to others in my life, and to the daily activities that I have in my routine. I am okay, with having to fold the laundry, or cook dinner, help with homework, etc. It's okay. I also am okay with knowing that discipline and enforcing it is important as well. I need to fair, yet firm. To do it with love. In the past allowing them to get away with little things was my way of showing love, but real love is setting a boundary that teaches them a lasting value that will serve their best interest in the long run.
Expressing my truth and my love to you!
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