The Superman/Superwoman Syndrome

Over the last few days, I have been doing an emotional inventory of sorts as part of a book that I am reading.  On page 24 of her book, A Course in Weight Loss, by Marianne Williamson, she gives an exercise to give you a "meaningful opportunity to see your light, by being courageous enough to look at your darkness."

As I have done this, I have realized how much emotional baggage I carry around with me all the time.  I carry my past, my hurts, my failures, my fears, my pains, my husband's and children's fears, pains and stresses.  I carry all of my responsibilities, my anxieties, my grief, my injustices, selfishness, and emotions from pain with me. Worst of all, I carry all of the blame and judgments that I have held against myself and others because I have not truly forgiven them.

As I did this work, I began to realize how much I have carried.  No wonder I am overweight, I am carrying too much in my energy field.  Over time, this settles in our bodies, because our bodies physically represent what we focus on energetically and emotionally.  By completing the writing assignment you write on many different emotions.  Then she has you to ask God to help you tear down the wall that you have built around yourself.  And to take all that you have been holding onto.  She uses different words and has more to the exercise.  I would encourage you to check the book out for yourself.

What I realized mostly from this is I have been behaving most of my life like Superwoman.  I can handle it, it is my job to handle it, it is my purpose to handle it all.  I have always believed in God and practiced that belief.  I pray and believe in prayer very much.  But somehow, I have never relinquished my control.  I ask for help, yes.  I even ask for His will to be done.  But I always have this part of me that believes, "I" can handle anything.  I am strong, I am courageous, see how much I have done, or how I have survived.  Yes, that is true, but God has always been with me or carrying me.  The truth is I tend to use Him as a back up plan or foundation of underlying support rather than a partner in my life.  He is at the core of who I am and I rely on His strength and love.  But Superwoman I am not.  The truth is we are at our strongest when we are allow ourselves to be vulnerable, admit we are weak, and ask for His help.

A big part of my lesson right now, is to let go of my burdens, and to give them to God.  That is where I am now.  I am giving Him my stresses, hurts, pains, painful emotions and asking Him to carry them for me.  It is no co-incidence that this is Lent (in the Christian religion and traditions).  Preparations are being made for Easter.  He is carrying the Cross for all of us, so that our sins may be forgiven and we can celebrate in the resurrection.  The resurrection offers new or renewed hope, new life and rebirth.  

I no longer need to be superwoman.  I never did.  I do need acknowledge and accept where I am.  I am releasing my need for control and my negative baggage.  I choose to forgive myself for my faults and fears and to forgive others who have hurt me and I have wrongly accused.  It is mostly my misperceptions that have kept me burdened and overwhelmed.  I choose to trust God and allow him to carry my burdens.  I choose to allow me to love myself and others, focusing on creating a life filled with love, joy and happiness.

I know that where my thoughts and emotions flow that the physical will manifest.  I know God is Love and He loves me.  I know God wants me to be free and happy.  I know God wants me to be healthy.  I know God wants me to trust and believe in Him and His power.  And I know that my light and life come from Him to I am here to be an example of  love and light to the world.  I am here as His disciple.  I am a divine child of God.  Created in His image of Love.  He is my Divine Father.  And each lesson I learn in life, brings me closer to Him and my divine nature as a child of God.

In Light & Love,
With Infinite Love & Gratitude for Life,
Debbie

Weight, Depression and Freedom: A Journey of Love

Months have crept by since I last blogged and also have extra and unwanted pounds slowly crept into my tissues.  It's winter now.  It is a time to  go within, find comfort, warmth and solitude.  If I were a bear I would be well prepared for a long winter.  Winter is a time for reflection.  Sometimes, we stay in winter mode for longer than the winter months.  That has been my state.  I haven't blogged for over a year. Wow.  Where have I been?  I asked myself that question.  I don't really know. Hours turned into days, and days into a year and a half.  Busy, occupied and sometimes lost. Life happened and I withdrew and escaped into it and myself.  I have had a broken leg, been in the hospital and therapy for 3-6 months.  Still not recuperated, actually have lots of work to go.  In the process I have gained more weight and struggle to keep myself going.  I have grieved what happened and where I am.  I have been angry and resentful.  I have prayed for help, of course looking for a specific outcome.  That outcome has not happened because I have not taken action to make it come about.  Now I'm tired of grieving. tired of going downhill.  From deep inside me my soul is calling me to wake up, find and claim my own strength. I have been looking outside of myself for someone or something to help me.  And I have had help.  I have received LifeLine sessions and energy work that have revealed hurt and the loss of my own voice or inability to speak up for myself.  I have been learning very important lessons during this time. I have been writing in my journal and discovering thought patterns and false beliefs that I have been replaying in my head.  They have not been helping me.  They have kept me trapped.  I have been living in the past, which really translates to existing but not really living at all.   The help I need comes from within and has always been inside of me.  It comes from my inner-self, my heart and my soul.  I come from God, from the divine.  I am a spark which emanates from the One Divine Living Flame we call God. I have been denying that I am a child of God and that my strength comes from him.

So rather than listen to the voice in my head that says, I can't do this, or it's too hard to do that; I am choosing to listen to my heart.  My heart tells me that all things are possible.  My heart tells me to love myself and to take care of myself.  It tells me I have all that I need and to live with gratitude.  It tells me I am alive and to celebrate that life.

It is snowing heavily outside.  The first heavy snow of the winter even though it is the end of February.  The huge heavy flakes are falling like rain.  Which is rather ironic because inside me I feel like spring.  Ready to burst forth with renewed energy and full of belief in myself.  I can see myself getting better and wanting to put forth the effort to get better.  I really feel like I can do it.

I am going to share this with you.  I will be telling you what I have discovered about myself recently and what changes  are taking place.  So pull up a chair, a cup of coffee and a tall glass of good healthy water and listen while I tell a story about me and perhaps about you too.  For we are all children of God, in search of our own divine spark of life, joy and happiness from within!

A Journey shared with heartfelt Infinite Love and Gratitude,
Debbie