A 2 yr old little girl loses her voice & stuffs her emotions

I have been hiding inside myself, building a cocoon of fat around me afraid of being hurt and of rejection.  Have I been hurt, yes.  Have I been rejected, yes.  I don't know of anyone who hasn't been hurt or rejected.  So what is it that has brought me to this place of being overweight and so emotionally challenged. Yes, emotions do have a big part to do with my being overweight.  I do not have a healthy relationship with food.  I eat when I am out of balance. I eat when I am happy (to celebrate) but mostly when I am sad, lonely, depressed, angry or when I have emotions that I stuff down with food.    When I am overwhelmed or experience many of the above emotions (save happiness) I eat unhealthy food.  At these times, I cannot find the courage or voice to speak out and express the emotion that I am feeling.

That alone would be enough to cause one to become overweight, but I also have tapes playing in my head.  These relate to what I eat and more importantly what I do not eat.  Diet books, t.v. programs, everywhere I turn tells me eat this, don't eat that.  So I have become very good at don't eat that cheese, it's not good for you, don't eat those chips, they aren't good for you.  Do eat this and this, but not with this.  So I now add quilt to my dysfunctional relationship with food.  That makes me eat even more.  The truth is I actually under eat and I'm getting fatter. I am the only one in my family who eats salad for lunch.  I try to avoid sugary foods and processed foods.  That works about half the time.  Nutritionally, my body is starving.

From my training and research two main issues are emotions and toxins.   The truth is that adipose or fat cells store "things" in them that are not good for us.  Our bodies are designed to work without our conscious involvement.  We don't tell it to pump blood or breathe it just does, so it takes nutrients and health from what is good for it.  What happens to the excess, or to the toxicity and how are emotions involved?  In order to save the vital organs, it stores the foods that are not nutritional and many toxins in the fat cells.  Our fat cells are actually protecting us from ourselves.  For more information, I recommend reading The Gabriel Method by Jon Gabriel.  

My husband, Ryan, has written a Lifeline Technique(R)  portal to use in conjunction with other techniques he has acquired.  He did a session on me about two weeks ago.  It was very powerful.  He uncovered a subconscious 2 year old part of me that could not find her voice and speak her truth.  That 2 year old little girl was hurt.  She also felt rejection.  She began a pattern of withdrawal and not speaking up for herself that eventually led to disability at 16 and obesity at 52.  I felt too small, inadequate and insignificant to speak up at age 2.  I did not feel wanted and loved.  It did not mean I was not loved and wanted.  I am an adult now, and I know that a child's perception is not the same as that of an adult, especially a parent,  A child cannot understand a parent's perception. And likewise a parent does not see or perceive the way a child does.  I am not blaming here.  There is no blame to be had.  I am saying that this 2 year old little part of me still remains feeling small, inadequate and insignificant.  As I grew chronically older, that 2 yr old pattern kept repeating over and over through the years.  Any time I felt rejected, hurt or unloved I was still unable to speak and stuffed the emotions inside.  Food was my comfort and friend and easily available.  I loved food.  And I hated food for the "control" it had over me.

In order to survive the body can, and in my case has become larger and is subconsciously shouting to the world, "look at me, don't you see me."  I am not small, inadequate or insignificant.  I am large. I am enough. I am significant.  Ironically, though the larger I get, the more invisible I feel.  People ignore me, don't want to relate to me, and ignore me.  

Where does that leave me?  Now what? Well, that two year old part of me had been happy. Now a child of divorce and a with a new dad; a part of me was not happy.  My subconscious was saying: "I'm not happy, I can't speak up, it's not safe to speak up." I withdrew.  I want to survive and live.  My life is not mine anymore. That's how it felt.  Part of my will had been broken.  Around the age of six I became a people pleaser.  I started giving up my own needs and desires to make others happy.  

As I became a mom myself, my nurturing and protection of my kids led me to taking on their emotions as well.  They weren't mine to take but I felt it was helping them.  Now I know it is their journey and not mine, but it has added to my weight.  

I am noticing myself changing.  The first thing I have noticed is that I am not judging what I eat like I did before.  If I want something, I eat it.  I also used to find myself saying, "leave the apples for the kids".   Now I am saying, "it's ok, you can have an apple too.  You deserve to be healthy.  I am nurturing myself.  I am also telling myself, I choose to be happy.  I am comfortable being happy.  I want to thrive." I have post it notes on my mirror saying, "I am comfortable being happy" and "I choose to thrive."  I am happier.   Each day, I have been feeling better emotionally.  The better I feel emotionally the more active I become.  I am at peace with the two year old part of me.  She now has a voice.  The more I let her speak the better I feel too.

The more I embrace myself, the more myself I become.

With Infinite Love & Gratitude,

Debbie  

Belief and success

In order to move forward and make success a reality, we must look at and acknowledge where we have been and are.  It is a matter of getting a broader perspective on one's situation and also of owning where you are now.  Much like someone who has fallen into a deep ravine.  You look up and note where you are and assess what the situation is so you can make a plan to move forward.   Your initial reaction may be shock, denial, rejection or loss of will or hope.  You may say there is no way, I can't, I don't know how, or I don't have what I need to get out of this situation.  The outcome totally results from your choices.

Some people will choose to make no decision seeing no way out.  I will call him Cant.  Cant becomes paralyzed with fear and inaction because he feels he has no choice becomes a victim.  The key here is what is he a victim to. Is Cant really a victim of circumstance or to the thoughts and beliefs in his mind?  Cant believes and feels he will stay in this ravine.

Another person falls into that same ravine.  We will call him Will.  He assesses the situation.  He sees no way out but opens his mind to other possibilities.  Will starts using the power of imagination .  Will refuses to accept being stuck.  "I want to get out of here.  I want to live.  I want to see my family again.  I choose life."  Will takes small steps, one at a time until success is achieved.  Will actively believes and feels himself getting out and does.

Cant has developed a pattern of giving in.  Repeated failures have left him weak and beaten down.  Cant suffers low self esteem and determination.  He has lost his strength and inner voice.  His best friend has become Ego B. Mind.  He needs a new friend,  That friend is Spirit Lead Me.

Still lost in the ravine Cant looses his friend Mind.  And meets Spirit.  Spirit begins to talk to him, first in whispers.  "Anything is possible.  Don't give up.  Believe there is a way."  Cant starts to believe.  As his belief grows he begins to feel determined.  He chooses a different outcome and learns to succeed.

Knowing that he has been given a second chance at life he changes his name to Ibelieve.
 

Weight, Depression and Freedom: A Journey of Love

Months have crept by since I last blogged and also have extra and unwanted pounds slowly crept into my tissues.  It's winter now.  It is a time to  go within, find comfort, warmth and solitude.  If I were a bear I would be well prepared for a long winter.  Winter is a time for reflection.  Sometimes, we stay in winter mode for longer than the winter months.  That has been my state.  I haven't blogged for over a year. Wow.  Where have I been?  I asked myself that question.  I don't really know. Hours turned into days, and days into a year and a half.  Busy, occupied and sometimes lost. Life happened and I withdrew and escaped into it and myself.  I have had a broken leg, been in the hospital and therapy for 3-6 months.  Still not recuperated, actually have lots of work to go.  In the process I have gained more weight and struggle to keep myself going.  I have grieved what happened and where I am.  I have been angry and resentful.  I have prayed for help, of course looking for a specific outcome.  That outcome has not happened because I have not taken action to make it come about.  Now I'm tired of grieving. tired of going downhill.  From deep inside me my soul is calling me to wake up, find and claim my own strength. I have been looking outside of myself for someone or something to help me.  And I have had help.  I have received LifeLine sessions and energy work that have revealed hurt and the loss of my own voice or inability to speak up for myself.  I have been learning very important lessons during this time. I have been writing in my journal and discovering thought patterns and false beliefs that I have been replaying in my head.  They have not been helping me.  They have kept me trapped.  I have been living in the past, which really translates to existing but not really living at all.   The help I need comes from within and has always been inside of me.  It comes from my inner-self, my heart and my soul.  I come from God, from the divine.  I am a spark which emanates from the One Divine Living Flame we call God. I have been denying that I am a child of God and that my strength comes from him.

So rather than listen to the voice in my head that says, I can't do this, or it's too hard to do that; I am choosing to listen to my heart.  My heart tells me that all things are possible.  My heart tells me to love myself and to take care of myself.  It tells me I have all that I need and to live with gratitude.  It tells me I am alive and to celebrate that life.

It is snowing heavily outside.  The first heavy snow of the winter even though it is the end of February.  The huge heavy flakes are falling like rain.  Which is rather ironic because inside me I feel like spring.  Ready to burst forth with renewed energy and full of belief in myself.  I can see myself getting better and wanting to put forth the effort to get better.  I really feel like I can do it.

I am going to share this with you.  I will be telling you what I have discovered about myself recently and what changes  are taking place.  So pull up a chair, a cup of coffee and a tall glass of good healthy water and listen while I tell a story about me and perhaps about you too.  For we are all children of God, in search of our own divine spark of life, joy and happiness from within!

A Journey shared with heartfelt Infinite Love and Gratitude,
Debbie

Some truths are right in front of us, yet we do may still not see them. We appear to be blinded by our perspective which seems to repeat itself over and over. Just like the math problem that we redo over and over, getting the same result but the wrong answer. Life can be that way too.

We may be aware that something is not right. The first impulse is to look at others in our life or environment and point a finger of blame. We resist our perceived reality, because it is not what we consciously desire. We want to run from it, hide from it, or escape it.

This truth may appear to have many faces: obesity, addiction, lonliness, depression, grief, unhappiness with relationship(s) or job/career. But those are really masks. What is behind the mask is the real truth. You believe the mask is real. And become a victim of what it appears to show you.

Often we try to deny or change who we are to fit the situation or emotion that we are feeling. We want an easy answer, a magic pill. We believe that if we "tough it out" things will get better or improve. We believe that it is happening to us from the outside. We do not want to take responsibility for the choices that we have made or not made to get us to this point. Now we realize where we are and cry out for injustice. We may often believe that something is wrong with us and may begin a cycle of self abuse that makes us feel even worse.

Consider, for a moment, what would it be like to honor those emotions and truths that are being revealed to you. Could it be that they are a gift from yourself to awaken you to what you are denying within yourself; that you are loveable, powerful, and beautiful. Have you been afraid to allow yourself to be that worthy of love, purpose and power? The truth or reality is yours to accept. Not as a declaration of future but of past and present moment. Name it. What is it for you?

Now, how does that make you feel about yourself? What is it telling you that has or has not happened to bring you to this present truth? You have already agreed that you do not want this as truth. I'll pick the first one on the list. Obesity. You think obesity is your truth because that is what you see. But that is only the veil, hiding the truth behind what the obesity is here to teach you. Your truth is not obesity, it is the pattern of behavior that you have been hiding behind to prevent you to become the happy confident person you are meant to be. What are you afraid of? What is it that you choose to deny or fail to pursue? What is your passion? How would you create the ideal you? What is holding you back from beginning that journey?

Your real truth is your spirit waiting for you to answer the call to be happy, fulfilled and full of life. When you are not in this state of bliss, you are given false realities to help you reclaim and discover who you really are, a spirit of pure love and light.

Do you want to move into the present moment to let go of your past, honor all that has brought you to this space and move forward to a better more empowered and happier you? Can you imagine?

I challenge you to honor yourself to face the parts if you and your life that you judge and do not like. What is the real truth behind what they are presenting you with?

I would be honored to work with you and guide you through this journey. As a Certified LifeLine Practitioner, I can help you get in touch with your desires. It is my calling to nurture and love. It is my purpose to learn to honor, love and walk as one with all, creating balance and harmony.

Debbie

Certified LifeLine Practitioner

630-730-1228