Over the last few days, I have been doing an emotional inventory of sorts as part of a book that I am reading. On page 24 of her book, A Course in Weight Loss, by Marianne Williamson, she gives an exercise to give you a "meaningful opportunity to see your light, by being courageous enough to look at your darkness."
As I have done this, I have realized how much emotional baggage I carry around with me all the time. I carry my past, my hurts, my failures, my fears, my pains, my husband's and children's fears, pains and stresses. I carry all of my responsibilities, my anxieties, my grief, my injustices, selfishness, and emotions from pain with me. Worst of all, I carry all of the blame and judgments that I have held against myself and others because I have not truly forgiven them.
As I did this work, I began to realize how much I have carried. No wonder I am overweight, I am carrying too much in my energy field. Over time, this settles in our bodies, because our bodies physically represent what we focus on energetically and emotionally. By completing the writing assignment you write on many different emotions. Then she has you to ask God to help you tear down the wall that you have built around yourself. And to take all that you have been holding onto. She uses different words and has more to the exercise. I would encourage you to check the book out for yourself.
What I realized mostly from this is I have been behaving most of my life like Superwoman. I can handle it, it is my job to handle it, it is my purpose to handle it all. I have always believed in God and practiced that belief. I pray and believe in prayer very much. But somehow, I have never relinquished my control. I ask for help, yes. I even ask for His will to be done. But I always have this part of me that believes, "I" can handle anything. I am strong, I am courageous, see how much I have done, or how I have survived. Yes, that is true, but God has always been with me or carrying me. The truth is I tend to use Him as a back up plan or foundation of underlying support rather than a partner in my life. He is at the core of who I am and I rely on His strength and love. But Superwoman I am not. The truth is we are at our strongest when we are allow ourselves to be vulnerable, admit we are weak, and ask for His help.
A big part of my lesson right now, is to let go of my burdens, and to give them to God. That is where I am now. I am giving Him my stresses, hurts, pains, painful emotions and asking Him to carry them for me. It is no co-incidence that this is Lent (in the Christian religion and traditions). Preparations are being made for Easter. He is carrying the Cross for all of us, so that our sins may be forgiven and we can celebrate in the resurrection. The resurrection offers new or renewed hope, new life and rebirth.
I no longer need to be superwoman. I never did. I do need acknowledge and accept where I am. I am releasing my need for control and my negative baggage. I choose to forgive myself for my faults and fears and to forgive others who have hurt me and I have wrongly accused. It is mostly my misperceptions that have kept me burdened and overwhelmed. I choose to trust God and allow him to carry my burdens. I choose to allow me to love myself and others, focusing on creating a life filled with love, joy and happiness.
I know that where my thoughts and emotions flow that the physical will manifest. I know God is Love and He loves me. I know God wants me to be free and happy. I know God wants me to be healthy. I know God wants me to trust and believe in Him and His power. And I know that my light and life come from Him to I am here to be an example of love and light to the world. I am here as His disciple. I am a divine child of God. Created in His image of Love. He is my Divine Father. And each lesson I learn in life, brings me closer to Him and my divine nature as a child of God.
In Light & Love,
With Infinite Love & Gratitude for Life,
Debbie
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